September 7, 2009

#037: The Proposal

My wife really wanted to go see the movie All About Steve this weekend. I really did not want to see that movie, so we compromised and watched another Sandra Bullock movie, The Proposal. It is a romantic comedy which stars Ryan Reynolds as Andrew, the loyal assistant to his hard-ass, work-absorbed boss played by Bullock. Things get interesting when she finds out she is going to be deported back to Canada because of a mess up with paper work. She basically forces Andrew to pretend they are engaged so she can stay in the country and keep her job. In return, she promises to give him a promotion. It just so happens that the very next weekend he has planned a trip home to Alaska, so she must accompany him to pull off the deception.

It is not difficult to enjoy The Proposal, but it is almost impossible to really appreciate what it is doing. It is filled with cheesy cliches and tons of jokes that just aren't funny. However, Reynolds and Bullock have a lot of chemistry and both do an admirable job giving believable performances in an otherwise flaky movie. I was very much entertained... aside from some truly cringe-worthy moments. Guys, in a few months when your wife/girlfriend wants to rent All About Steve, The Ugly Truth, or Post Grad... just talk her into renting The Proposal instead. I have a feeling you will thank me.

The actual movie wasn't bad, but my overall experience at the theater was horrible. First off, there were two unchaperoned pre-teen girls who thought it would be fun to talk and giggle through the whole thing. Why can't they just text during a movie like all the other kids...LOL? However, they were the least of my concerns. Shortly after the movie started I began to hear this rhythmic rubbing noise from directly behind me. At first I thought dirty stuff was happening. As I listened more closely I changed my mind. It sounded more like somebody was sanding a birdhouse not getting a rub and tug. Then I thought maybe the woman back there was filing her nails.... very slowly and methodically. The cadence was so regular it almost had to be a machine... no human being had that kind of consistency and stamina. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and had to turn around and look. I cunningly turned my head 45 degrees towards my wife as if I were going to talk to her. My eyes were pointed as far left as I could get them. I glimpsed the culprit. A middle aged man had his paw on his wife's inner thigh, and he was rubbing it back and forth. WTF?!? Was he holding a cheese grater? How was this simple action generating this level of noise? Wasn't his hand getting tired? How long could he go before carpal tunnel set in? Why is it so effing loud? Does he practice at home with a metronome? What does this guy do for a job that makes his hands so rough? Is he going to rub right through her jeans before the movie is over? Should I ask him to stop or just stab this soda straw into my eyeball? All of these questions and more were going through my head. If I had more balls I would have turned around and politely asked him to stop. I didn't do that. Instead I started to rub my own leg in the exact same rhythm hoping he would realize how annoying he was being. He of course didn't stop, so I just gave up and tried my best to ignore it.


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